Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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