I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
