i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
