I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
