I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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