some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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