so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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