Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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