my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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