Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
