Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
