i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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