I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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