y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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