I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
