I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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