Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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