I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
