I want to have your abortion
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
