i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
