hell yes lets make some ravioli
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
