i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
