Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
