I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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