So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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