Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
