Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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