I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
