went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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