I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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