6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
