Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
