I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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