all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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