if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize