I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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