yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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