pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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