I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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