Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
