tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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