I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
