Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
