your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
