She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
