Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
