All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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