I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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