The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
