you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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