ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
