i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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