Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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