The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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