remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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