I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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