Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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