I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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