so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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