don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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