Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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