I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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