he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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