So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
