im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want nice things and good sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
