One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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