Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
