I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
