Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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