if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
