Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
