You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
