We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
