So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
