It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize